In the last few years, my husband and I managed to redefine our relationship. We went from an emotional roller-coaster of anger and sadness to a beautiful, relaxing and fulfilling walk in paradise. Even today, after so many years spent together there is a lot of passion between us, not to mention love, respect, kindness, and actual presence.
Naturally, all relationships go through challenges: be them with our lovers, brothers or sisters, friends and so on. What happens so often is that our ego minds make us believe that the problem resides in the other one, not in ourselves. While that may be true, let us not forget that it takes two to tango. The other one might be the one who should change or apologize but let us not ignore the role we played in creating or maintaining such circumstances.
Luckily, we are extraordinary beings and as such, we have the power to change things for the better. Therefore, we can alter this dysfunctional pattern of interaction with others by learning how to connect in a deeper way and to understand and listen without being judgmental to one another.
Below is a short list of things you should implement in your relationships in order to make them amazing:
1. Acknowledge the fact that you have the power to better your relationship
In truth, you have more power than you actually think of. Indeed, you can set boundaries and terms for each and every one of your relationships. Also, keep in mind that you should not be too quick to jump out of dysfunctional relationships on the motive of being unable to change them. You can change your relationships for the better. You only need to acknowledge that you have the power.
2. Focus on having a great relationship with yourself first
This might sound like an obvious thing, and you might also agree to it and praise it. But, do you really live by it? Is the relationship with yourself really that great? That good? Are you sure you are being respectful, caring, accepting and available to yourself? Because, if not, how could you possibly succeed in altering a relationship you have with someone outside yourself?
Speaking of the relationship with yourself, are you able to defend yourself properly from others? And by that I mean, do you have a healthy set of boundaries and hard limits that you constantly enforce onto others? Because you really should. Careful, though, not to create boundaries that are too strong or too rigid, as that will only isolate yourself. In other words, saying ‘no’ from time to time is healthy. Saying ‘no’ all the time, not very healthy.
4. Acceptance of others and of self
We are all born into this world as unique beings from every standpoint. Therefore, we are all different from each other, despite our similarities. Unfortunately, more often than not, these differences are the cause of inner and outer conflict.
We either don’t accept someone for being too different from what we consider normal, or we don’t accept ourselves for being too different from most people. Naturally, both of these viewpoints are unbeneficial to ourselves, therefore we must let go of them and instead, embrace diversity for the wonderful gift it is.
To sum up, we can only better our relationships with others if we first better the relationship with our own selves. And that can be done by accepting ourselves, by setting up clear boundaries and by acknowledging the fact that we are able to make changes into our lives.